Rest

It was around Christmas time last year that we received the news that my mom most likely had breast cancer. There were so many unanswered questions in those first weeks, and I felt as though I was sort of walking around in shock. This just couldn't be happening to my family. It was something I had always dreaded, and it was no longer a "what if," it was reality. When you don't know what you're dealing with, your mind fills in the details, and usually those details are the worst-case scenarios. Once we had more information about what the extent of the cancer was, and what the treatment options were, I felt a little more at peace with the situation. But, we knew it would be a long, hard year. Intensive rounds of different types of chemotherapy drugs (one of which we were told was the most difficult chemo a patient can take), followed by surgery to remove the tumor, followed by radiation. Still reeling from the shock of my mom's diagnosis and treatment plan, I answered a phone call from my mom one morning in January while on my way out to my son's basketball game that my brother's barn had burned completely to the ground in the night. The barn contained most everything he and my dad needed to run their ranching operation. I rushed over to my mom and dad's home and just held my mom while she cried. There were just no words. The only thing that went through my mind was to "Remember His Faithfulness." This was based on this passage of scripture in Psalm 77 " 11 I will remember the works of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. 12 I will also meditate on all Your work, And talk of Your deeds" Psalm 77:11-12 Many years go, I began journaling God's specific works in my life as a way to apply this passage of scripture. I have a short memory, and am prone to feel sorry for myself, wondering where God is in the midst of difficulties. During those times of trials and trouble, it is so helpful to remember the times God's hand was so evident in my life. Earlier in the fall, before all of this had happened, I happened to pull out my old journals (something I hadn't done in quite some time) and read all of those things again. I felt the Lord impressing that instruction onto my heart once again to, "Remember My Faithfulness." He knew I would need to remember those times of His specific intervention in my life in the face of what would seem like his apparent absence. Mom began her treatment shortly after, and throughout those winter, spring and early summer months, there were so many ups and downs. I'm sure during that time my mom went to dark places most of us never even knew about. I cannot imagine how difficult that time must have been for her, but I know how difficult it was for me and my family. One thing I realized about this time is how very much my family loves each other. My boys love their grandma and papa so much. Explaining to them the different phases of her treatment was difficult, but they were such little troopers and loved their grandma no matter how many questions they had. My brother and his family were also there for every moment of this journey, even though they were in the midst of starting over after what had happened to their barn. I remember being amazed at one point to just consider how God took my mom and dad, myself and my brother, and knit together a family in a way only He could do through the blessing of adoption. It really is a miracle. (And yet another one of those things to write on my "Remember God's Faithfulness" list.) Now, it is nearly ten months later and my mom completed her very last radiation treatment this morning, bringing it all to a close. No more chemo. No more surgery. No more radiation...and God brought us through it. I prayed for a verse to give to my mom as she completes this phase of her life. This is the one I believe He gave to me: 1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. 2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. 3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. 4 Then I called on the name of the LORD: "O LORD, save me!" 5 The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. 6 The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. 7 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. 8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 9 that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living. 10 Psalm 116:1-10 I pray that my mom, my dad, and our entire family can once more "Be at rest" for the Lord has been SO good to us.

How to be happier

It's been one of those days...I woke up grumpy, a little on the depressed side. I'm not sure why. Usually, I can pinpoint these things...trace them back to a single occurrence that affected my mood in a negative way. Today though, I can't. Something has just been "off", and I am not sure how to fix it. On my way to bed, I peruse my dear friend Shannon's blog (click here) and happen upon this great video about "how to be happier"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHv6vTKD6lg#at=407 and it strikes a chord. So, taking a cue from the participants in the video, I want to tell you about the person who has made the biggest impact on my life, my mom. I have always been close to my mom. In my growing up years, and my teen-age years, she was always the person I wanted to spend time with. We had so much fun together, and we had so many great talks. Moving 13 hours away from her when I went off to college was difficult, but we made it through. We talked every.single.night on the phone. Yes, every one. As a newlywed, I remember my first night in my apartment with my new husband. It was then that I revealed to him that I had this "thing" where I called my mom (or she called me) every night before bed to say good-night. At that point, there was no going back on me (the vows had already been said), so I felt pretty safe in revealing this quirky little tidbit to him. At that moment, he realized my mom and I are a package deal. Throughout my years of grad school and learning to be a wife, she was always there for me (like she had always been all the years before), and our relationship deepened and changed, but only in good ways. After the birth of my first child, something happened to me. I'm not sure what it was...stress, hormones, trying to master the most important role of my life, who knows? But, it was during this time I experienced the most conflict with my mom that I had ever had up until that point. Now don't get me wrong, there was little drama, and what conflict we did have was usually resolved peacefully. But, I think we started to pull away from each other a bit. Maybe this move was necessary, or maybe it was just a reflection of what was happening in our life, but we made it through it. When I moved with my little family to Iowa, we experienced another little separation in our relationship. She was still the first one I wanted to call when I had good (or bad) news. She was still the one whose advice I counted on most. But, I think I needed this time to invest a little more of myself into my husband and my family. Fast forward a few years. We are back in North Dakota. In fact, she lives (most of the time) within a minute of my house. There are days we see each other or talk on the phone several times a day. There are strings of days in a row where we don't talk at all. I feel like our relationship has hit a "sweet spot." I know so much more now. I love my mom so much. I knew I loved her deeply, but when she went through a very serious health issue this past year, I was confronted, face-to-face, with the reality that I could lose her. And it was then that I realized that my love for her is similar to the love I have for my children...it is deep and limitless. Nothing she could say or do would ever make me stop loving her. I can't imagine my life without her, and I am so thankful God was Faithful to bring her to this point safely. She is the person who has made the biggest impact in my life. And now, I end my day, and I am happy.

On Father's Day

A couple of summers ago, my dad went through a very serious illness. There were many things that I learned during that time, but one of the most important was how very much my parents love each other, and how blessed I am to have them (and the example of their relationship) in my life. They are two halves of the same whole, and I cannot imagine one without the other. My whole life I have watched them argue at times, yes, (particularly during family vacations) but there have been more times I saw them laugh and tease each other, or kiss and hug in the kitchen. I remember watching my mom take care of my dad during the time he was so sick, and I remember wondering if I could be that strong. Would I have it in me to love that much for that long? Could I do what she did if it came to that?

A couple of weeks ago I had a fairly major surgery. The first night I was in the hospital, I was scared and in a lot of pain. I had a realization that night. The realization was this: I love my parents. I love them more than I can even express. But my parents were not who I wanted in that room with me that night. I wanted my husband, my Dave. It was then that I realized that our love, although it has not endured as long as my parents, is similar in that we are one. I cannot imagine my life without him. In my worst moments, and in my best ones too, he is who I want with me. There is so much we have been through together in the almost 15 years we have been together. And, I am sure there are many more triumphs and heartaches to come. When I think of every memory in my adult years, he is there. He knows me probably better than anyone, and loves me anyway.

I didn't know what a good dad I picked when I said "yes" to the question he proposed to me so many years ago. I didn't know I would have someone to worry with me in the middle of the night over fevers, or someone to wait in the emergency room while the doctor put the cast on. I didn't know watching him teach our son to ride his bike without training wheels would make me fall in love with him all over again. I didn't know my love for my children could be matched exactly, and that there would be one who would share in every lofty dream dreamt for our boys. I didn't know any of this, and I am so glad it's true. He is the best dad I could have ever picked for my sweet boys.

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know who I want next to me through every uncertainty, every decision, every bend in the road. And if, at the end of this, it is I who is taking care of him, making sure he has what he needs and is comfortable in his sickness, I know I could do it. I love him that much. So, this Father's Day, I wanted to remind him how much he means to me and how much I love him. I am so glad I am walking this journey with you, in sickness and health...for richer or poorer...for as long as we both shall live.  I love you.

Perfection

I have a few quiet moments before heading off to bed.  These moments are rare and they are precious.  I decide to peruse some of the decorating blogs I used to visit daily.  The photos I see are of such beautiful homes.  They are pristine and perfect.  Every pillow is perfectly fluffed.  Every wall color picked to perfection. Even the laundry rooms I see look more like a boutique.


Then I look around my house and want to cry.  The basement carpet is so badly stained I don't even want to have people over anymore.  Despite my best efforts at cleaning and picking up, it looks like someone has ransacked every room.  There are toys scattered.  Schoolbooks piled.  Dishes in the sink (and on the table).  Laundry spewing out of the laundry room. A boutique it is not.


I think when I started my motherhood journey, and later my homeschooling journey, I didn't realize how these decisions would impact every part of my life, even how my house looks (especially how my house looks).  I am someone who loves perfection, particularly in my home.  It is far, far, far from that.  And sometimes (OK, alot of times), it really gets to me.  Having a beautiful, always clean and organized home is something I have had to sacrifice for this lifestyle I have chosen.  There are lots of homeschooling moms out there who will tell you differently.  They will tell you that they have come up with a ten point chore system for every child in the family, and they are able to maintain a perfectly clean and organized home, do school, make delicious and nutritious meals for their family, run a successful and profitable home business, juggle knives that are on fire, stand on their head and sing the national anthem while brushing their teeth, and have their children perform a musical number that would rival the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir.  I am not that homeschooling mom. I live in reality.  There are days I am exhausted (most days) and all I want to do is sleep. My children seem to have a real knack for messing up a room as quickly as I can pick it up.  I often let my toddler watch television just so I can clean the bathroom or do the dishes. I am lazy sometimes, too.  Those dishes in the sink will just have to stay there overnight...I am too tired to deal with them.


I have a few more moments before I head off to dreamland.  Today was our last day of school for the year, and I take a moment to read over the goals I set for our homeschool last fall.  I realize that every single one of them has either been met, exceeded or is very close to being met.  I thumb through Isaac's Language Arts workbook, and look at every line filled in, every page completed.  I take in just how much he learned this year and how far we have come.  And Graham...in so many ways he far exceeded my expectations of him academically.  And best of all, he asked Jesus into his heart this year. That is more important to me than any perfect house you could hand me the keys to.


This messy house will not always be messy.  Maybe someday I can have my perfect house.  For now, there are three precious boys to raise and to love. This life...this one I have... in it's imperfection, it is perfect.

Queen of the World

In 65 minutes from the moment I started composing this blog posting, I will officially be 37 years old. I can hardly believe I am this age. It really does seem like yesterday that I was 16 years old. I can remember SO many things, down to small details, about my growing up years. I am not sure when I became this woman when I really just feel like a girl.

A few weeks ago, the boys and I headed over for a quick visit with my mom. She sat on the couch, looking beautiful with her bald head and cancer body and we loved on her for a few moments. When we left, she called out her frequent reminder to me, "Remember, these are your best years."

They don't feel like it sometimes. Often I am bogged down by the stress and constant demands of family life. There are moments I want to be 16 again, and have few cares in the world. And then when I truly do immerse myself in a moment and enjoy it, I worry if I am enjoying it enough. Or I worry I will forget it. I keep a computer file of precious or funny things my kids said or did that I want to remember. I start to panic when I think I have forgotten some things before I was able to get them recorded. Those moments are gone now. They are forever lost to me.

I rocked my baby two nights ago. He sat on my lap with his cup and blankie, and I sang to him. He turned his head into me in such a way that he was nestled perfectly in my arms. I asked God if I could relive this moment in heaven someday. These are the moments my mama is talking about. I am the queen of their world. I look at the handful of dandelions on my window sill that my precious Graham brings me almost every day, and I want to freeze this time. It's going too fast already, and I know that someday soon I won't be their queen anymore. This time will pass as fast as my window-sill dandelions wilt.

Of all the things I have done in my life so far, of any accomplishments I can call my own, my best is being a mother. It is my life's work, my divine calling. Everything else pales in comparison to this one role in my life. I love my boys with a fierce love that I didn't even know I was capable of. So, would I turn back the clock to be 16 again if given that choice? No, I would not. I want to be their queen for as long as time will let me.

Spinning

I'm not sure when it happened. Maybe the shift was subtle, or maybe it was like pulling off a bandage. But, somewhere along the way things in our country changed drastically. All of a sudden, right is wrong and wrong is right. And I am constantly surprised at who is on what side. Nothing is constant anymore (except, of course for God and His Word), everything is evolving and unpredictable. I think there are alot of factors involved in the shift...churches who don't preach the Word of God anymore (they're too busy entertaining everyone and keeping everyone feeling warm and fuzzy), social media spurring on debate and giving everyone a virtual sounding board (making us feel "connected" with one another and completely isolated at the same time), parents not raising their children and allowing daycares and school systems to determine what their children's values will be, the constant bombardment within the god of entertainment of evil things, and a government who has completely spiraled out of control and left us longing for true leadership. But, here we are, and I am exhausted. I want off of this carnival ride called American Culture. I guess I am longing for my Heavenly Home these days...where all is right and good. Where life makes sense. Because frankly, it doesn't make much sense to me right now. I'm not sure why there is any debate at all surrounding ending the life of a human being that God breathed into life. How is that even possible? Of all the things to choose sides on, of all the things to "go to the gallows" over, this is what you are going to pick? Killing a precious human life? Really? And now there's yet another thrust to end the traditional definition of marriage. The people have voted time and time again...this is not what the majority of Americans want, yet here we are. And the church, for fear of offending anyone and appearing "hateful" is either silent, or burying what God says in His Word under so many suffocating blankets of "love." I am not for hate. I believe in loving others. It is what the Word of God tells us to do, so that is what we should do. Yet, can we deny that the Bible states that homosexuality is clearly wrong? And I don't want any scriptural acrobatics done to show me I am wrong. I have learned in my life that the truth is always simple. If God wanted us to understand something, he wouldn't make it complicated or convoluted. I'm tired of what is going on around me...the constant struggle to figure out where I stand in this tsunami of change. I want the "good old days" again...maybe they were articifically contrived, but they felt good to me. I was small, and I had my mom and dad and brother who loved me...I felt safe and secure, and didn't have to think about much beyond my world of Barbie dolls. And I didn't have to think about how on Earth I am going to raise my three boys to fear God, and protect them from all that is going on around them. I want them to have that same world of safety and security, but I'm not sure if it's even possible. God Help Us.

When I first found out I would be having a Christmas baby, I was less than thrilled about the timing. Isaac and Graham are both summer babies, and I love that we get to celebrate their birthdays with barbeques and birthday parties in the park or at the pool. All I could think about was how this little one would forever get his birthday combined with Christmas. Also, the thought of preparing for a baby in the midst of the busy, busy Christmas season was a bit overwhelming to me.
And then...
I heard a still, small voice remind me one day of how special it is to carry a baby during this season. What a priviledge it is, at any time of the year, to be blessed enough to have a baby at all. But there's something even more special about carrying a baby at the same time of year Mary carried our Lord Jesus. Did she feel those same take-your-breath-away movements of a baby that is soon to come into the world? Did she stare in amazement at her tummy moving of its own will, wondering for the millionth time what he would look like? Did she feel that same nervous anticipation as the days drew nearer that I am feeling right now?
Click on the song above, read the words below, and contemplate the miracle that was the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Hmmm my Baby
Heaven sent You to me
All the worlds been praying
Who will Save?
But who am I
That here tonight
I hold the One
Who’ll bring us life

Hallelujah!
We’ve been found
A Child is born
To save us now, Jesus!
Hallelujah! Light has come
A Savior who will set us free
A Promise for those who believe

Do You hear the Angels
Sing for You my baby
Men and kings have come to
Bow to You
But here in my arms

So close to me
The Son of God
Now all can see

Hallelujah We’ve been found
A Child is born to save us now, Jesus! Halleluiah Light has come
A savior set us free!

So praise to God on high
He has heard our cry (x2)

Hallelujah We’ve been found

Hallelujah We’ve been found
A Child is born to save us now, Jesus! Halleluiah Light has come!
A Savior who will set us free
A Promise for those who believe
Hmmm my Baby...

The Church & I: Part 2

I last wrote about my history with the church here in May of 2010. The title, "The Church & I: Part 1" implied that there would be a part 2. And, until now, I have not felt compelled to add to this previous entry. However, some recent events around me have made me feel as though there is more I could say. These are my thoughts, and my opinions. Some are based on scripture, others are based on my emotions or on life experiences. I do not expect everyone to agree with what I say here, but it's part of my story just the same. And, for the purposes of this entry, when I refer to "the church," I am referencing the American church (unless otherwise specified).
Recently, I have felt a disillusionment and disenchantment with the church (and by "church" I mean the organized, body of believers headed by a pastor and housed in a building of some sort) that I have never felt before. In general, I feel that the churches in my world (and the believers that attend them) are losing their grip on the Truth. I look harder and harder to find what I am looking for, and have a harder and harder time finding it. There are so many things going on in the world that are overwhelming...wars and rumors of wars, terrorism, poverty, famine, persecution, riots, political complexities, the global spread of Islam, anti-semitism (and the persecution of Israel), global financial unrest...the list goes on and on. Yet, what do most of us hear about as we sit in our seats on Sunday mornings? Certainly nothing that could help in our understanding of world events. And certainly nothing that even touches on what could be construed as "controversial." I listened to an area radio program recently where two area pastors were asking other pastors in the area to talk about the subject of abortion with their congregations. I felt bad for the pastors because I knew their request would mostly fall on deaf ears. Most pastors don't want to touch an emotionally charged topic like abortion with a ten foot pole. (The Catholic church does much better in this regard than the Protestant church does.) It's too controversial. But, isn't the Bible controversial? Isn't Christ's death on the cross controversial? Isn't He Himself controversial? Aren't these and other topics inside the realm of the "full counsel of God" that pastors are required by scripture to present? Why are our churches suddenly afraid to address some of the things that are on the minds and hearts of anyone who has the ability to look outside of their tiny world (and not everyone wants to) and take stock of what is going on? I am only 35 years old, yet I feel that some of things happening in the world are unprecedented. Although no one can know the day or the hour of Jesus' return, I feel in my heart that it may be soon. And I want to be ready. In general, the American church is not fostering readiness. They are too busy trying to gloss-up and dumb-down the Truth, so that others are not offended. They do this in the name of drawing others to Christ, and it is a lie. One look at the early church and the persecution it endured (and the growth it experienced), will tell you that this is not the right equation for church growth. Comfort does not foster growth. At least not the kind of growth that lasts. And besides, church growth (in numbers) is not what is important. If you teach the Truth of God's Word (and don't leave the "tough" parts out), growth will happen. This growth may be evidenced in numbers, yes, but more importantly through the fruit of the Spirit that will be obvious in the lives of the attendees. I hear more in church today about bringing in money, paying off the debt of the church and how many people are attending the church than I do about meaningful things. And I see believers in the church (myself included) struggling with life's issues, and feeling more and more "stuck" in neutral...not growing in faith. I know it is my responsibility to work out my own salvation, and that I cannot rely on the church to do it for me. This is my own apathy, and it is isomorphic to the apathy in the church right now (I, too, am too comfortable). But sometimes, I want to go to church and feel as though I have gotten a fresh word from God. I want to feel as though I have just listened to a sermon from an inspired man of God that listened carefully to the Holy Spirit in his preparation for that Sunday's message.
I look around me and wonder, "Where are the giants of the Faith?" Where are those Christian leaders in America who will risk all to tell others the full Truth of scripture? Certainly there are persecuted churches overseas, and leaders of the faith who have or are willing to give their lives for it. But here in America, I daresay we are too comfortable. Recently, John Piper made a statement in a sermon that stuck with me. In essence, he prayed that God would allow the American church to come under persecution. I do not take this lightly. I know what persecution means, and I know what could be required of me and of those I love. I wonder if I am ready to pray that? I know that is what it would take for the American church to wake up from it's apathetic, prosperity-induced coma that it has been in for the last few decades. I just wish the awakening would happen before it comes to that point.

crazy

Some days I feel a little crazy. I hear these voices in my head telling me that my beliefs are so over the top that I had better keep them under wraps. If people knew what I really believed, they would not accept me, say the voices. You mean, you really homeschool your children? You really think Jesus is coming back someday (and you actually feel an urgency to tell others?) I mean, what sort of fanatic are you? How about your views on church? You really think its not OK to omit some parts of the Bible to draw a following? Really? Oh, and what if people knew what your politics were? That would be enough right there to make you certifiably crazy. Fanatical. Over The Top.
These are the voices I have been hearing in my head lately. And they were starting to wear on me. Am I wrong, Lord? Maybe I should tone it down a bit? Maybe everyone else is right, and I am misguided. What is wrong with me? Why am I living on the fringes of what most people think is an "acceptable," "normal" life?

And then, I have been thinking about my grandma lately, and how her faith paved the way for me in so many ways. When I was going through a difficult experience with the church (and trying to figure out if I was crazy for thinking what I was thinking), it was her faith that helped make some things very, very clear for me. I wasn't crazy. And, I wasn't alone.

God's Word is living and powerful, and this was something that was demonstrated so clearly for me just this morning.
For the past few days, in the midst of these loud and disruptive voices telling me I am crazy, has been this verse, whispering gently into my soul: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." This is not a verse I have ever made any effort to memorize in any way. In fact, I have probably only even heard it a handful of times. But, there it was...right when I needed it.

As Isaac and I prepared to do his Bible lesson this morning, I decided to read the entire chapter in which this verse is embedded. I opened up my Bible, found the book and chapter, and this is the verse my eyes instantly fell to:

"I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois"

Do you know what my grandma's name is? It's the same name that is my middle name. It is Lois.
Isn't God Good? Isn't He Faithful? Isn't His Word Living and Powerful? I am awestruck that the God who created the universe cares to speak down into my situation, using ancient words that are as precise as a laser. I am not crazy. And even if you think I am, it's worth it.

The Williamsburg Novels: My critique

Growing up, my mom always told me about the Williamsburg Novels by Elswyth Thane. Her and I are both readers, and these remain her favorite books of all time. So, when she passed the series on to me to read for myself, it was a rite of passage of sorts. I felt lots of pressure to like the books, almost as much as she felt to have me like the books. But, that pressure diminished in the first chapter of the first book. It had me in a tight grasp from page one.
There are seven books, and they span several generations of two families (The Days and the Spragues). Each book takes place during a war (the first book begins during the Revolutionary war). The stories of the families take place within several different countries (The United States, England, France and Germany).
I have always secretly thought I could have been a fiction editor. I am always critical about a book (even if I loved reading it), and can tell you where a plot was weak, or where a story line could have been developed a bit more. This is something I always have automatically done in my own head as I read a book. These books are probably the only books that I have ever read that I feel are almost perfectly developed and written. The story lines are almost flawlessly executed, and they hold your attention from start to finish. As you become enveloped in the books, you are transported to another time and another place. Events of history that you formerly would have had little or no knowledge of, you begin to feel you are living and experiencing. My words really don't do these books justice. The families have become so real to me that I am mourning the day I will be done with the series (I am currently on the second to last book).
One excerpt of the book "Kissing Kin" has stuck with me more than fiction usually does. I keep re-reading this excerpt over and over again, and it strikes a chord with me.
The setting of this excerpt is the final days of life of a character named Aunt Sally. She has lived a long life, and has lived through the Civil War and World War 1. She has lived a notorious life, having buried three wealthy husbands during her life in France. She still possess great beauty and zest for life, even in her dying days. She is giving her young niece, Camilla advice for the future as she tells her that her home in Cannes, France will be hers after she is gone.

"It's easy to be happy here, you will find--easier than you think now, perhaps." Sally went on. "Always remember, my darling, that happiness and love need not die till you do--that life renews itself if you allow it to, as surely as the year comes back round to spring after winter. Some years are not so good as others--sometimes you love less, sometimes more--and you can never be sure that the best is not still to come. So many times I have thought This is all--now I have come to the end--now there will be nothing to live for." Her fingers moved on Camilla's caressingly. "So many times I have been wrong. And for me, the best came last. Always remember that...You will not always be happy, my dear, however wise you are--I wasn't--but always take what comes to you--don't fight life, Camilla, accept it with grace. Don't strike attitudes about how brave you are, or how tragic you are, or how hard done by--nobody is looking, unless you are in front of a mirror. Don't lunge at life and try to bully it into doing things your way--it's bigger than you are, it will do as it likes with you. Don't sulk, either, and turn your back on it--it will go on without you. Sit still, camilla, not facing the light, and always looking your best, and let life come to you--think before you speak--smile when you want to cry--don't score at someone else's expense, even if you feel justified, you will lose more sympathy than you will gain satisfaction--never refuse love lightly, and never try to revive it when it fades--and never, never tell Everything to any living soul. Some people there are who would say that is bad advice I give you, but it is the way I have lived, and I have had in my time everything a woman could ask for. Perhaps it would not do for everybody. But for those of us, like you and me, who set out alone, it works very well, on the whole. Take what comes to you, Camilla--and when you give, use both hands. No man can love a stingy woman, not forever. It is no disgrace to be humble when you love a man--nor to be grateful to him that he loves you. It is no one's birthright to be loved--no never take it for granted. Sometimes it comes by surprise, but to be kept it must be earned again each day, by kindness and thought and always with tenderness, my dear, little words, little laughters, little glances--do not be afraid to show him. Do not be afraid that some one else will see--let them see--they will only envy you." "Thank you--for everything." Camilla whispered, and kissed Sally's cheek, and left the room with a backward glance and a smile at the door. And she never saw Sally again.

(From the Iowa Family Political Action Committee)

Des Moines Pastor Stands Up For Children

A Des Moines area grade school art teach was recently placed on leave after she showed a YouTube video depicting, among other things, a painting of two men fondling each other under the heading "Safe Sex."

Pastor Phil Winfield of Grace Church in Des Moines penned a letter to the editor that the Des Moines Register ultimately refused to publish. While the letter did not make it in to the Register, it still serves as a great example of how a pastor ought to engage the culture around him.

Letter to the editor.
Re: recent pornographic video shown at Wright elementary school.

Madam Editor

I am writing this letter to the editor as the pastor of Grace Church, not just as Phil Winfield. More importantly, I am writing this letter to born again believers in Jesus Christ—the Church in Des Moines—not to the Des Moines Public School Board, or to the principal of Wright Elementary, or the teacher guilty of showing pornography to 9-year old children.

Dear Christian,

Nothing gets me fired up more than to see a bunch of Christians all in a lather over the latest infringement on our delicate sensitivities. Whether it is a picture of Jesus in a glass of urine, the State Supreme Court’s decision to allow same-sex marriages, or an elementary school teacher showing porn to our kids, it’s always the same.

Let’s get fired up and write letters to the editor. Let’s go to the next school board meeting and demand they fire this teacher. Let’s hold up signs about God’s judgment coming on America and how America needs to turn or burn. Let’s do all of these things and then let’s go home, cook hot dogs, watch a little television, check whether the Lakers or Suns will win, and live a life of comfort.

Listen to me, Christian – the establishment is counting on it. They know you better than you know yourself! They know from past experience that a little negative news like this will get you all worked up, but in a couple of weeks you will forget all about it. By the middle of July you could care less what the school district is doing…you’ll be on vacation. And by fall, when the school board elections come around, you won’t spend five minutes looking at the school board candidates. There may be a godly man or woman stand up to try to win your vote, but you will be too busy to vote.

So, do you know what will happen? The establishment candidates will win by getting a few hundred votes from the South of Grand neighborhood. And when they take their seats at the first school board meeting, they will gently smile at Nancy Sebring as if to say, “don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” Dr. Sebring will turn and look over at Lindsey Cornwell, the principal at Wright Elementary, and gently smile as if to say, “don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” Ms. Cornwell will take out her phone and write a quick text message to Karen Maresh, the teacher guilty of showing porn to 9-year olds. The text message will simply say, “All is well.”

That’s how it works, Christian. So don’t even waste your time getting upset. Cook your hot dogs, go to your ball games, live life for today and forget about tomorrow.

Or do something about it! Determine right now to become intimately involved in your child’s education. Don’t assume that your school is doing what is best for your child, hold them accountable. Become involved in the PTA. Start monitoring the DMPS Web site and attend board meetings. Educate yourself about how school districts operate and how they are funded. Join organizations like the Iowa Family Policy Center (www.ifpc.org) and become a part of the solution rather than let the establishment always get their way.

Understand this will not be an easy battle. History proves that the establishment is much more patient than the average Christian who gets his feathers in a ruffle once in a while. Christians typically spit and shout for a few minutes and then go back to living their life in blissful ignorance. The establishment knows this and counts on it. Determine to fight the long fight and finish the race. This will not be won with a single school board election or state house seat. This will take years of consistent voting, educating, and organizing to really make a difference.

Do you have it within you? Are you really tired of establishment “experts” telling you porn is art? Are you tired of the establishment educrats looking down their nose at you because they are the experts and they know what is best for your kids?

Do something, or get out of the way.

The ball is in your court, Christian. What are you going to do about it?

Pastor Phil Winfield
Grace Church
Des Moines, IA

This letter was rejected by the register.


This letter was written by a true man of God, the man who was my pastor when we lived in Iowa. I am so proud of him, I can hardly stand it. He is right on absolutely every point.

Win Back Washington

Tonight we had the opportunity to meet congresswoman Michelle Bachmann.

Here are a few of the key points of her speech, which I wanted to record so I can remember them later!

*The healthcare battle she has been fighting has been intense. She felt like she had just returned from war. She said Nancy Pelosi and the others chose to have the vote on a Sunday as a direct assault on the Sabbath and Christianity. As a response, Michele and many other Christian members of the senate and congress decided to do something that hasn't been done in 130 years...they had a Sunday morning church service at the capitol! She said they had a prayer, a message and sang three hymns, including "Oh God our help in ages past."
Obama signed the bill into law on the anniversary of Patrick Henry's "Give me Liberty, or give me death" speech.
*As a thank you to Michele for her fight in the healthcare battle, Nancy Pelosi informed her office shortly after the bill had passed that she was donating $100,000 to Michelle's opponent in the next election.
*She talked about the fear mongering that is happening right now, as liberals are trying to make tea partiers look like they are participating in hate speech and acts of violence. She referred to the walk the members of congress made shortly before the vote on the healthcare bill where one of the representatives claimed he had been called the "N" word. Michelle said she made the same walk several times during those two days, and she said cameras followed their every move to and from the capitol building. Yet, there was no taped evidence of what this man was claiming he had been called by members of the tea party. (in fact, he said he had been called it by one particular person about 15 times). This representative was offered $10,000to the college of his choice if he could come up with any evidence that it had happened. He could not. He was then asked to take a lie detector test to affirm it had occurred, and he refused. Tea partiers are NOT the ones causing trouble right now. Michelle referred to many times her and her family have been under attack. She mentioned the time during the marriage amendment debate as a time of particular assault on her family. She said that during this time, her husband had to take her children to a remote location for a week. She also referred to Eric Cantor's press conference this week and his revelation of all he has endured because of his conservative beliefs and jewish background. The leftist media wants everyone to believe the tea party movement is causing violent acts across the country. Actually, the opposite is true. There is violence, but it is not coming from the right.
*She discussed the implications of the healthcare bill on our country. This is the part that was most disturbing to me. Because Michelle is "on the inside," she knows a lot about what this bill entails, and the ultimate agenda Obama has for this country.
*She read directly from the newspaper about how many, many giant employers will be facing drastic cuts very soon due to the fall-out from the healthcare bill. Many of the cornerstone businesses of our country will no longer exist in the next 3-10 years. Our taxes will increase significantly. It is possible that our children could be facing 80-90 percent taxation.
*She said that if you add up the deficit from the presidency of George Washington until the day George W. Bush left office, it still would be LESS than what Obama has spent in his FIRST YEAR in office.
*The government currently owns 51% of the private sector of the American economy. After healthcare, this percentage will rise drastically.

I continue to be overwhelmed these days with all I have going on, but I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel...at least when it comes to our home. Our floors were completed last weekend (thanks, Dad!), most of the appliances are now in, we are just waiting for our fridge. There is SO much left to do, but nice to look at all we have accomplished. I read this blog post from my favorite blogger, the Nester, and it almost moved me to tears. It is SO where I am right now. I fall into the category of those that are too impatient and want it all "done" now. But, I have to remember that I don't even WANT my house to be "done"...
I will be posting pics soon...
On a side note, I hit a deer the other night :( Poor thing ran right into the side of my car. Her boyfriend, a buck, stood watching the whole thing in the shadows. He stayed and watched the entire time the police came and disposed of her body. How sad is that? Click photo to see

Home is the most important place in the world

I remember seeing this commercial quite awhile ago, and it always stuck with me. I thought it was extremely effective from an advertising point of view. But, something about the commercial resonated with me on a deeper level. At the time I first saw it, we were living in Iowa, and we had received the news that Dave would be losing his job. There were so many days back then that I had no idea where our home would be, and that broke my heart in two. Home is important. It doesn't matter if it's an upscale penthouse, a sprawling farm house or a cardboard box. Home, wherever it is, is the most important place in the world. It is where everything truly important in life happens. I have thought about that notion lately, and have realized that in many ways, mostly sub-consciously, I have centered my life around my home. It is where I want my children to spend most of their days (learning and playing...I have never been a big fan of running them around and filling their life with "activities"). It is where I want to be (whether I am being with my children, doing household chores, or working in my photography business). It is where I want my husband to find rest at the end of a stressful day out in the world.
I think this is one of the big reasons I have decided to homeschool. It fits "me." I feel the fit way down in my heart, I know it is the best thing. But, to be honest, I struggle with my fears and doubts. I wonder if I will be patient enough. I wonder if I will be creative enough. I wonder if I will be disciplined enough. I wonder if my kids will drive me to the point of insanity, all day, every day! I can't wait to see how my life unfolds over the next year. All I know is, for right now, I am enjoying every second of my life at home, because home is the most important place in the world!

Red Envelope Day

This is such a worthy cause, and I had planned on participating. Today I remembered that I was going to do this, and because the deadline is tonight, I didn't have time to go buy any red envelopes (I don't think much is open around here anyway). So instead, I decided to just color a couple of envelopes red with Isaac's markers. I knew he would find me doing this, and ask what I was doing, so I was bracing myself. How do you explain abortion to a five year old? I thought it was important for him to know, and to also realize at a young age that we still live in a country where our voices can be heard (at least until the president and congress complete their all-out takeover of our country anyway!). So, I did my best to tell him that some mommies decide they don't want their babies and they go to a doctor who kills the baby when it is still in the mommy's tummy. I also explained that our president thinks this is OK, and that people who don't think it's OK are sending red envelopes to him to tell him to stop. He absorbed all this for a moment, and then said, "You could have done that to me." I took him in my arms and told him I would have never, ever in a thousand years done that to him. And then I thought about all the little ones that would never get a chance to say "You could have done that to me" to their mamas.
It is not too late to participate. Go here for information.

We have not floated away yet! So far, predictions for our area have been really good. We are feeling very thankful that we bought the house that we did. There were a couple of houses that we looked seriously at, and they are probably flooded right now! Things have been very stressful here...when you go out, you can see the tension on people's faces. There are so many uncertainties and "what-if's" hanging over everyone's head like a black cloud. On top of it all, winter continues to drone on and on and on. Not only is it tough on my kids (they long to run around outside in the sun!), but it's been extremely difficult for my dad and brother during their calving season. You just want to scream, "ENOUGH ALREADY!" But, we know we still serve a God who is completely in control. He does not take his eyes off of us even for a second, nor does he sleep.
With all this indoor time, with nothing to do but watch local flood coverage non-stop, I have been doing lots of scrapbooking! Here are a few of my favorite layouts. Click on them to enlarge.

A new year's resolution

As many of you know, last year was a rough year for us. There were many transitions and lots of uncertainty. When we finally got settled in our new home, I started to feel, well...restless. I am not sure how else to define what I was feeling. I felt like I wanted to create, or to do something new. For a few months I went back and forth, trying to decide what to DO with my life, and this restless energy I felt continued to build. I took a look at the things I truly enjoyed doing in life. Almost at the top of that list was photographing my children. I dreamed and thought and thought and dreamed. I heard stories about others who had the same ambitions I did. Then, the new year came. I felt as though this was my year to DO something new. I made a resolution that I would.
So now, I am undertaking a new journey, and I have named it "Resolutions Photography," the name deriving from not only a photography term, but my own new year's resolution.
I don't know if I will have many clients, or just one. I do know I love doing what I am about to do, and that is all that matters to me.
Take a moment to visit my new site. Just click on "check out my photography blog" on the right hand side of this posting. Or, click on "resolutions photography" on my blog list.

Thanks for visiting!

www.resolutionsphoto.blogspot.com

In the next few weeks, I will be posting some information about an exciting new endeavor I

Some Christmas Memories...

I had the chance to go to Lorie Line with my mom, her best friend Bonnie (in the red scarf) and a couple of Bonnie's friends this year. (Thanks again, Bonnie!). It was so fun! Don't we all look so cute?
Speaking of cute...take a look at the Leno/Buck cousins!

A few of my favorite things...

I was thinking about Oprah's famous "favorite things" show the other day and my mind started wandering...what are my favorite things? Here are a few (in random order):

-Clinique dramatically different moisturizer
-Stride Rite baby shoes
-$1 scrapbooking items (at dollar stores, craft stores or online)
-cheap, matted frames that I can spray paint black or white (I have even been known to spray paint the mats!)
-Magic Eraser
-Children's Place pajamas
-My DVR
-Diet Mountain Dew in the bottle
-Mulled Cider candles at Walmart
-Hand sanitizer
-My Fuji s700 camera
-Baby Einstein DVD's
-"Tough and Tender" all purpose cleaner from Melaluca
-My Cricut
-Paul Mitchell "Freeze and Shine" hairspray
-white or black spray paint...a poor decorator's best friend!
-My Swiffer sweeper vac and wet jet
-Clorox wipes
-Portable DVD player (which recently broke **sigh**)

If you have a minute, email me or leave a comment about some of your "favorite things." I'd love to hear from you!