On Father's Day

A couple of summers ago, my dad went through a very serious illness. There were many things that I learned during that time, but one of the most important was how very much my parents love each other, and how blessed I am to have them (and the example of their relationship) in my life. They are two halves of the same whole, and I cannot imagine one without the other. My whole life I have watched them argue at times, yes, (particularly during family vacations) but there have been more times I saw them laugh and tease each other, or kiss and hug in the kitchen. I remember watching my mom take care of my dad during the time he was so sick, and I remember wondering if I could be that strong. Would I have it in me to love that much for that long? Could I do what she did if it came to that?

A couple of weeks ago I had a fairly major surgery. The first night I was in the hospital, I was scared and in a lot of pain. I had a realization that night. The realization was this: I love my parents. I love them more than I can even express. But my parents were not who I wanted in that room with me that night. I wanted my husband, my Dave. It was then that I realized that our love, although it has not endured as long as my parents, is similar in that we are one. I cannot imagine my life without him. In my worst moments, and in my best ones too, he is who I want with me. There is so much we have been through together in the almost 15 years we have been together. And, I am sure there are many more triumphs and heartaches to come. When I think of every memory in my adult years, he is there. He knows me probably better than anyone, and loves me anyway.

I didn't know what a good dad I picked when I said "yes" to the question he proposed to me so many years ago. I didn't know I would have someone to worry with me in the middle of the night over fevers, or someone to wait in the emergency room while the doctor put the cast on. I didn't know watching him teach our son to ride his bike without training wheels would make me fall in love with him all over again. I didn't know my love for my children could be matched exactly, and that there would be one who would share in every lofty dream dreamt for our boys. I didn't know any of this, and I am so glad it's true. He is the best dad I could have ever picked for my sweet boys.

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know who I want next to me through every uncertainty, every decision, every bend in the road. And if, at the end of this, it is I who is taking care of him, making sure he has what he needs and is comfortable in his sickness, I know I could do it. I love him that much. So, this Father's Day, I wanted to remind him how much he means to me and how much I love him. I am so glad I am walking this journey with you, in sickness and health...for richer or poorer...for as long as we both shall live.  I love you.

Perfection

I have a few quiet moments before heading off to bed.  These moments are rare and they are precious.  I decide to peruse some of the decorating blogs I used to visit daily.  The photos I see are of such beautiful homes.  They are pristine and perfect.  Every pillow is perfectly fluffed.  Every wall color picked to perfection. Even the laundry rooms I see look more like a boutique.


Then I look around my house and want to cry.  The basement carpet is so badly stained I don't even want to have people over anymore.  Despite my best efforts at cleaning and picking up, it looks like someone has ransacked every room.  There are toys scattered.  Schoolbooks piled.  Dishes in the sink (and on the table).  Laundry spewing out of the laundry room. A boutique it is not.


I think when I started my motherhood journey, and later my homeschooling journey, I didn't realize how these decisions would impact every part of my life, even how my house looks (especially how my house looks).  I am someone who loves perfection, particularly in my home.  It is far, far, far from that.  And sometimes (OK, alot of times), it really gets to me.  Having a beautiful, always clean and organized home is something I have had to sacrifice for this lifestyle I have chosen.  There are lots of homeschooling moms out there who will tell you differently.  They will tell you that they have come up with a ten point chore system for every child in the family, and they are able to maintain a perfectly clean and organized home, do school, make delicious and nutritious meals for their family, run a successful and profitable home business, juggle knives that are on fire, stand on their head and sing the national anthem while brushing their teeth, and have their children perform a musical number that would rival the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir.  I am not that homeschooling mom. I live in reality.  There are days I am exhausted (most days) and all I want to do is sleep. My children seem to have a real knack for messing up a room as quickly as I can pick it up.  I often let my toddler watch television just so I can clean the bathroom or do the dishes. I am lazy sometimes, too.  Those dishes in the sink will just have to stay there overnight...I am too tired to deal with them.


I have a few more moments before I head off to dreamland.  Today was our last day of school for the year, and I take a moment to read over the goals I set for our homeschool last fall.  I realize that every single one of them has either been met, exceeded or is very close to being met.  I thumb through Isaac's Language Arts workbook, and look at every line filled in, every page completed.  I take in just how much he learned this year and how far we have come.  And Graham...in so many ways he far exceeded my expectations of him academically.  And best of all, he asked Jesus into his heart this year. That is more important to me than any perfect house you could hand me the keys to.


This messy house will not always be messy.  Maybe someday I can have my perfect house.  For now, there are three precious boys to raise and to love. This life...this one I have... in it's imperfection, it is perfect.