Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The God who Moves

Shortly after Grayson was born, I went through a time of anxiety related to SIDS. I was so worried about finding him gone in his crib that I could hardly sleep at night. The anxiety seeped into my daily life, and I found myself getting anxious over other things too, but I knew the basis of it came from the worries I had over my Grayson. I have always tended to be a worry-wart when it comes to my children, but this fear was almost debilitating. When Grayson was diagnosed with a hole in his heart a few weeks after his birth, my anxiety intensified. I prayed, I knew my children were all in His hands, but I needed to find a tangible way to sleep at night. That is when I found the Angelcare monitor after doing a search online. This wonderful invention is a sensor pad that you place underneath the baby's mattress and will go off if it does not detect movement within 20 seconds. The first night I hooked it up was the first night of restful sleep I had experienced since Grayson was born. It was then that God planted a thought in my heart that when I was done with the monitor, I wanted it to go to a mom like me who needed some peace of mind and a little rest. Fast forward a few months. I am done with the monitor now, those weeks of anxiety have now passed. I still have the thought that I want my beloved monitor to go to someone who really needs it, but I am just not sure what to do with it. I eventually just list it on Craig's List. I got the phone call today from the mom. Through the course of the short conversation I had with her, I came to find out she has just lost her 2 year old to an apparent SIDS type of death. She has a baby too, and just can't relax at night and is fearful something will happen to him. God sees her, just like He saw me. He put the two of us together. I gave her the monitor as a gift from me. As a gift from Him. God is alive, he is moving every day. Every day a million little miracles are unfolding all around us. It is up to us to stop and listen. He isn't in the fire or the wind. He speaks in the still, small whispers within your heart. I confess, I don't always hear it. I am too inundated with noise and activity to hear Him speaking to me. But this time, I did. I knew he would move, and He proved himself faithful. Once again...faithful.

Sunday, February 17, 2013


These are the holy moments of our days together.
Mostly, our days are filled with the mundane.  Then, I glance over to where the two of you are playing by the window.  There is so much love in the way you look at him.  "Hey buddy," I hear you quietly say, "how much bigger is my hand than yours?"

And someday, when you are all grown up, and your manly-man talk consists of the weather, or politics, or your grown-up life, you won't remember this.  But, I will.  Because it's locked inside my heart.

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