Buckaroo Junction

I'm in one of those moods tonight that is hard to put into words. I guess I'm a little reflective, introspective and sad...all rolled into one. Probably not a great time to be blogging, but I press on...
Lately it just seems like there have been so many truly hurting people I have heard about. Sometimes I wonder how God does it- how can he see all of our pain at once and not have it devastate him. I know he is God, and his thoughts and ways are so much further above ours. But still, I know he loves us, and how it must break his heart to see our deep pain.
Just today an acquaintance of mine lost her husband--he was told two weeks ago he had cancer and had only a few months to live (he had just went to the doctor for some pain he had been having that weekend). This weekend he came down with pneumonia and was ushered into heaven this morning. They have three children 13 years and under. It breaks my heart. And there are others I know now who have dearly loved ones going through devastating illnesses. And I know they would give just about anything to make it all go away. And I think so often of the children in the world who are being abused, or little ones who have no one fighting for them. It breaks my heart. God sees it all, and it must break his too. But He knows the final chapter. He knows that death truly has no sting, and that he wins, no matter what.
I have heard it said that you become more sure of yourself in your thirties- that you finally really figure out who you are. I don't feel that way at all. In fact, I am much less sure of the answers than I was even just a year or two ago. Sometimes I am completely confused by this life and even my Christian walk. There are many things I am certain of, but there are just as many that I am not.
Even though I have all of these questions now, and I am more aware of my faults than I have possibly ever been, I keep thinking maybe its all part of His plan to make me more like Him. I hope so.