For Today

I look at your little face at age 3 on the screen, preserved for a lifetime to see. And I want to make myself jump through the screen and join you, and live that life for just a few moments. I hear your little voice and I can't believe you were ever that small. I hear it now, talking to your brother downstairs, and it is that of a nine year old boy. When did that happen? And just like that, the video I am watching stops, the battery is dead. Life is that short, we are here for a moment and then gone. The moments of today cease and become the history of yesterday. And I haven't quite figured out how to live in the moment of today. I am always wrapped up in the past, or dreading the future. Meanwhile, around me life is unfolding, and I am not really enjoying it, not really feeling it. I want to. I look at little Grayson, now a year old, and I want to tell him to "STOP!" Stop growing so fast! You are toddling around the house, and soon you will be running. You are speaking your baby gibberish to me, but soon you will be giving me your opinions about all of the things you think are important. We are living our life, doing mundane things like laundry and dishes. Once in awhile something extra-ordinary happens, and we think the ordinary will stop, but it never does. Even though something you have always dreaded happens, life goes on...the sun rises and sets, kids need to be taken care of, bills need to be paid. But, I want to hold my babies closer for a moment, for today. I want to love my family members with all I have, today.

My Christmas tree 2012

I remember posting about my tree last year (click here to see last year's post) when I was about 3,495 months pregnant and talking about how it was a subdued year for Christmas decor because of my enlarged state. This year was even worse! Having an almost-toddler in the house again does not lend itself to doing what you want for Christmas decorating. On top of that, I just have been SO busy and decorating has not been on the top of my priority list. Someday, I will go back to my love for all things decorating, but right now I am in a season of life where I am lucky if I can just get my house moderately picked up! Anyway, I wanted to post some quick pics of my tree before I dismantle it for another year. I was halfway done assembling our tree when I realized it was the teeny tiny tree from when we were first married.  I think it was $15 at Kmart 14 years ago.  If I put this tree up now, it is usually somewhere other than our main living space.  I was too tired and lazy to try to find the other tree and take this one down or move it, so I just went with it.  I don't like the bottom of the tree, so I found a nice big basket to put it in.  I like it, and it really helped to protect it a little bit from tiny, chubby, exploring hands.

We made salt-dough ornaments for the tree this year as part of our Advent activities (thank you Pinterest!).  I think they turned out so cute and I will love putting them up every year (as long as they don't break!)

This year, I put up the nativity I made when I was little.  She just found it stashed away and gave it to me.  I put it up in our school room and I think it is super cute!