On Watching My Babies Grow

Well, Graham is officially in 12 month clothes, I can hardly believe it. He is still wearing a few bigger 6-9 month things, but just barely. I cannot believe how much he has grown lately and I am anxious to take him into the doctor for a well-baby exam to see how big he is. It is so important to a mama to see her baby grow. That probably sounds really silly because, OF COURSE parents would want their children to be healthy and grow. But, I think it is even more important for a mom because there are so few things to tell us we are doing a good job, and seeing our babies grow and be healthy is a big one (although sometimes it is out of our hands, but we still feel guilty about it anyway).
I remember going to a "mommy and me" breastfeeding class when Graham was a couple of weeks old. The room was filled with new moms-most of us had struggled our way in for the class, barely managing to get our teeth brushed. Part of the group time involved weighing the babies, and I watched as each anxious mom stripped her baby down and placed it gently on the scale and held her breath. Some were very obviously disappointed and concerned, others couldn't wait to return to the place they had been sitting to brag to the other moms about how much weight her baby had gained. I so often think of mothers living in poverty throughout the world that are not able to feed their children, and especially their babies. How absolutely heartbreaking that must be for those mamas. I think we de-humanize them and automatically assume they love their children less than we do, but they don't. I love feeding my babies, and not just feeding them, but nourishing them.
Isaac is growing too, but more in ways you cannot visibly see. Sometimes I can hardly believe he is only four and a half and not fourteen. The other night I peeked in on him in his room and there he was, sprawled out on his bed listening to his music on a portable CD player with the headphones that he got for Christmas and flipping through the pages of a comic book. He looked just like a teenager. I felt a little tug at my heart the other night when he crawled up on my lap and as I was goofing around with him, I happened to really look at his feet. They are SO big, and I got a flashback of his little rectangular chubby baby feet and felt a little sad. I feel like the time has already gone so fast, and I know it will continue slipping away from me at a breakneck pace. I read a line from a book the other day that said something about how the minute they are born, you begin to let them go, inches at a time. It makes me want to hang on to Graham even tighter. It already breaks my heart to think about the day he will take his first steps and walk away from me. Right now he is so my baby, but I know he won't always be.
Only a mama could come up with all these ramblings simply based on her baby jumping up to the next size of baby clothes!