Recently, I experienced such a life-changing shift in my mindset, that I need to record it here.
Dave's job situation has been, once again, on the unstable side. This comes as no surprise, with the economy the way it is and the crazy decisions our government is making. It has been really getting us down lately. We want nothing more than to put down solid roots, establish our home for our family, and have some peramnency for them. However, we do not know what the future holds for us.
The first time we were in this situation, I kept praying that God wouldn't let it happen to us. To us, at that time, Dave losing his job would be one of the worst things that could happen to us (or so we thought). I had faith that he would not let the worst happen. And it did. So, you can imagine what happened to my faith. It went right down the tubes along with Dave's job.
I am taking Beth Moore's "Esther" study right now, and yesterday she addressed fear and trusting God. Something she said really hit me. She said, in essence, "Many of you trust God that he won't let the worst happen to you. But, do you trust him that, even if the worst happens, he will bring you through it?" I know that is not where I was the first time around. I wish I could have been. It would have saved me a huge upheaval in my faith. But, he allowed us to experience it, and he brought us through every single day. This time, if "the worst" does happen, I want to be brave. I want to rest in the ABSOLUTE knowledge that He will be faithful (for he cannot be UNfaithful!). He will bring us through. Thank you Lord, for your mercies that are new every morning!

I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately. But, God used a little project Isaac made at AWANAS to speak to my heart the other day. The project was a little book he had put together called "My prayer journal." Here are the words on each page, and they pretty much sum it all up, don't they?
"I want to keep from doing wrong."
"I am thankful for our home, food and clothes."
"I should be kind to others."
"I want to do what God wants me to do."
"I give praise to God!"
Sometimes when life gets too complicated, God needs to bring us back to the basics of our faith. What a great reminder for me!

This tooth

Isaac was happily eating his pizza last night when suddenly he erupted into tears. "What is wrong?" I asked him. "My tooth is wiggly!" he said, through sobs. I asked him to come to me and let me have a look. Sure enough, it looks as though he is about to lose his first tooth! It doesn't really matter if it's the first tooth lost, a first bike ride, or a first date. Any time there is a "first," a mama like me is sent into moments of tears and reflection.
I was thinking about that tooth, and remembering when it came in five years ago on Christmas Eve. I remember being so surprised to see it poking out of his little baby gums, and figuring out that it had been the source of those sleepless nights I had been having. It was my first "getting-a-baby-tooth" as a mom. Many teeth, and many crabby teething-baby episodes later, it is ready to fall out. This tooth was the first to come, and now it's the first to go, ushering in a new phase of childhood. Where did my baby go? He's still there, cleverly packaged in the body of a little boy.

Trying to get a few pictures of my kids lately has been like pulling teeth. Even Isaac, who is my perpetual poser, has been making it difficult for me (it couldn't have been that I was making him stand in knee deep snow, in freezing cold weather, without a coat for these pictures and was demanding him to "cooperate or else"). Graham is always a stinker. He never stays still long enough for me to actually get a really great shot of him...these were the best I could do. Can't wait til he does what I tell him. When will that happen? I better not hold my breath.

Can I be honest? I have been a bad mama today. A really bad mama. Don't make excuses for me and don't tell me everyone has days like today. I have been inexcusably bad, and I need to make amends. I was over-tired today, after staying up way too late editing photos. I know I am very short tempered when I don't get enough sleep. That alone should have been enough to send me to my bed by 10:30 last night. After being probably completely exasperating to my children, I exploded at baby Graham after he broke one of my photography light bulbs (which contained mercury). I was so frustrated because it was the millionth time today he had gotten into something, and this time, I had a mercury spill to clean up. I was exhausted, and I didn't know the first thing about cleaning up a mercury spill. I started to yell at Graham. Then, I looked down and saw fear in his eyes. Not that good, healthy sort of fear that is appropriate when a child gets into trouble, but that "I am scared of you" fear. I felt terrible. How do you apologize to a 20 month old?
About an hour later, after spending time playing with Isaac in order to attempt to make up for my horrible mood, I made Graham a bottle and sat with him in our big rocker. As I held him, I fell in love with him again. His soft skin, his big, clear eyes (so full of innocence), his little baby smell. Everything. I know I have been too preoccupied with other things. Things that don't matter. All that matters is my sweet boys. I know I have been completely off track to have forgotten the bliss that comes from snuggling my baby.
And then I realized something. God had used this terrible day, and my terrible attitude, to bring me back to ground zero with my babies. I am completely, overwhelmingly, all-consumingly in love with my little boys once again.

More thrift store goodies

I had been searching for a children's table and chair set for Graham's room for awhile. The cute wooden sets in the stores are so expensive, so I was keeping an eye open at thrift stores. On Saturday, I saw this adorable set, almost brand new, at a thrift store and paid $5.99 for the whole thing! I snatched it up faster than you can imagine!


Here's a cute red shelf I found for Isaac's room. I thought it was sort of Pottery Barn-esque. So cute!
The picture above the shelf is one I took of Isaac last summer in dad's field. I put some cute vintage cowboy scrapbooking paper behind it for a mat.

On letting go

It occurred to me recently that from the moment our children are born, we begin the process of letting them go. It's a slow process, or so it seems when you are living it, but yet it goes by in the blink of an eye. We let go of them when we encourage their first steps. We let go when we let them walk across the street to the neighbor's house for the first time. We let go a little more on the first kindergarten bus ride. We let go when they are young adults, and we see them doing stupid things and want to take the reigns from them but stop ourselves. We let go when we step to the side and let them develop their own families.
All of us are sons and daughters. Some of us have sons and daughters. We are all at some point of letting go. But, we are letting go only to embrace new and deeper places in our relationships. If our child never learned to walk, we could never cheer them on as they are running to home plate at the game.
I have been thinking about Isaac starting school next year. I had been seriously considering homeschooling him. But recently, for many different reasons, I have decided to send him to school (I will remain a homeschooling mom by heart, however, and reserve the right to bring him home at any time). One thing I realized is that part of the reason I contemplated homeschooling was to avoid letting go of him. In my mind's eye, I still picture him as my sweet little baby. The memory I pull out so often is from when he was so sick. In this memory, I am in his hospital room with him. We are alone, the room is dark, and we are rocking in a big rocking chair. I sing and sing, because that is all that keeps him relaxed. I sing until my voice is hoarse. He is so little and precious and helpless. I know he is a big boy now, but it is so hard to let go of that picture I have. He is still my baby, and I cannot imagine handing him over to this world. It is so cruel, so harsh. He and his brother are what is most precious to me in life.

Take a look at these sweet little finds I got at thrift stores over the weekend.
I had been looking for a dresser for the living room (I don't think you call it a dresser when it's in a living room, but whatever.) for a few months. As we were walking up to the thrift store, I saw this one sitting by the donation bin. I asked the store if they could sell it to me, and of course they told me I had to wait until Monday when they would price it and put it on the floor. So, I showed up bright and early this morning and picked it up for $24. It needs a bit of work, but I love it!

I got this really cute lamp too--$3.99. Goes perfect in my living area.

Little ones, big words

Graham has been jabbering up a storm lately! At his last doctor's appointment, I happened to mention to the doctor that I was concerned he didn't seem to be talking a whole lot. The doctor was not concerned, and said we would wait and see what his vocabulary consisted of at two years. Well, I think Graham got into the car that day, and on our ride home he decided to prove me wrong. In the couple of weeks since then, it seems as though his vocabulary has exploded! Here's a list of all he says at 20 months old: mama, mommy, dada, papa, gramma, puppy, Isaac, eat, out, no, no-no, no-thanks, bye-bye, ba-ba (bottle), boo-boo (for his "blankie-boo-boo"), nye-nye (good night), shoe, sock, elmo, yes, drink, pop, horse, elephant (seriously, I heard it!), all-done, hot, up. There are probably more, but I can't think of them at the moment. He has also started stringing simple sentences together (mama, all done!).
Isaac has been growing by leaps and bounds lately too. He amazes his grandma and papa all the time with the "brilliant" things he does and says. He has always had quite an extensive vocabulary, but lately it seems he has been using more and more big words (and he uses them correctly!). I can't wait to see how God might use his gift of gab someday!

Happy February!

I am so glad the month of January is FINALLY over!
I thought this little display looked a little valentine-ish, so I thought I would post it! I love the color red, and this time of year is a great time to find red accessories at the thrift stores!
I went thrifting with my mama this week...I am going to post some pics of the stuff I got later this week.